


The Bucket Song

by chimericalEscapist (Adasser)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, bucket jokes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:49:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adasser/pseuds/chimericalEscapist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Or, How Dave Strider Accidentally Ruined His Sex Life with Just One Video)</p><p>Dave discovers what the troll society uses buckets for, and he decides to make a joke out of it for Tavros.  It does not go the way he planned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bucket Song

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this is in two parts. First part is mostly pesterlogs, second part (to be uploaded at a later date) is going to be explicit, so you're warned.
> 
> In addition, I'd like to give a shout-out to the beautiful and talented PrayForRain, as she was a huge part in coming up with this idea (and for some reason supporting my desire to write it).

_I got that tapered edge, for the feel-good feel, keep it reeeeal._

Music echoes through your empty apartment.  You’re hunched over your computer, feverishly fiddling with a shitty movie-maker program.  A cartoon metal pail smiles widely up at you as if to assure you that yes, this idea was _perfect._ You layer an obnoxiously coloured plaid background behind him and grin to yourself.

Your boyfriend is going to love this.

It all started last week, when you pestered Tavros while waiting for some photographs to process. 

– turntechGodhead [ TG ] began pestering adiosToreadork [ AT ] at 13:22 –

TG: hey sweetcheeks

The pet names had started because they were the single most ironic thing about a relationship.  Occasionally, you wondered if they were still ironic if you actually liked them sometimes.

AT: dAVE,  
TG: whats up on crazy alien world  
AT: nOTHING, rEALLY, i GUESS,  
AT: oR, aT LEAST, nOTHING TO TALK ABOUT,  
TG: aww dont be like that  
TG: you know i just live to hear about your shenanigans  
TG: there are shenanigans right  
TG: and tomfoolery i hope  
AT: nO,  
AT: nO SHENANIGANS, oR TOMFOOLERY,  
TG: not even any good gossip  
TG: youre disappointing me tav  
TG: i am disappointed  
AT: wELL, i MEAN, i GUESS,  
AT: i KIND OF, mAYBE, fOUND SOMEONE’S BUCKET,  
AT: aND, i’M NOT, rEALLY ENTIRELY SURE, wHOSE IT IS,  
AT: tHEY, lEFT IT IN THE ABLUTION TRAP,  
TG: so what who gives a hoot  
AT: dAVE, wHAT, EXACTLY,  
AT: aRE YOU SAYING,  
TG: dude free bucket  
AT: dAVE, tHAT IS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE,  
AT: aND i AM ASHAMED FOR YOU,

You’d had a good moment of confusion, brow furrowed, before you’d finally replied.

TG: tavbro what the hell do you trolls use buckets for  
AT: i DON’T, tHINK, tHAT i REALLY WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT,  
AT: wITH YOU,  
AT: aT ALL,,,  
TG: no dude im being 100% serious and genuine here  
TG: theyre just a cleaning supply here cupcake  
AT: i, uH, wHAT,  
AT: oH, wELL, uH, THAT’S ABSOLUTELY ENTIRELY WHAT THEY’RE FOR HERE,  
TG: nope dont lie to me  
TG: cats out of the bag  
TG: spill the beans  
AT: i, wELL, yOU SEE,

And thus began your education into the more perverse aspects of troll culture. 

Nearly an hour later, you were completely slack-jawed and astounded. Also, your pictures were completely ruined.

But by far the biggest result that came is this, this perfect video that you are finally finishing for Tavros. You press play for a final time before you are finally satisfied with your work, and you forward him the link.

\- turntechGodhead [ TG ] began pestering adiosToreador [ AT ] at 21:57 -

TG: hey honey i made you this for you  
AT: oH, cOOL,

You wait, giddy with anticipation while he watches it (you assume).  You time the exact amount of time the video takes, one hundred twenty seconds plus one. 

He still doesn’t respond, so you add another one hundred twenty-one seconds.

Still no reply.

You get impatient.

TG: do you like it  
TG: yes or yes  
TG: check one 

You rest your chin in your hand, finger tapping idly against the spacebar while you stare at your pesterchum.  Absently, you wonder if maybe you offended him.

AT: dAVE, wOW,  
AT: tHIS IS, rEALLY,  
AT: nOT AT ALL APPROPRIATE,  
AT: aND, aLSO LEGALLY QUESTIONABLE,,,

The corners of your lips twitch.  If he were upset, he would’ve blocked you.

TG: sounds like you checked yes  
TG: good choice  
AT: iT’S, sO PERSONAL,  
TG: wait what  
AT: tHANK YOU, dAVE,  
AT: <3,  
TG: no thats not what i meant  
AT: wELL, i HAVE TO GO,  
AT: bUT i HOPE i WILL, tALK TO YOU,  
AT: vERY SOON,,,

– adiosToreador [ AT ] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 22:04 –

Baffled, you click to replay the video, trying to work out where in this piece of trash your adorkable troll had found the slightest hint of anything pity-evoking. 

You never do quite figure it out.


End file.
